Evan Ramzipoor & Lada

Who is in the photo at right?

The human one is me, Evan Ramzipoor. I write novels like The Ventriloquists, but also essays, blogs about cybercrime, and short stories. The photogenic one with the angsty bangs is Lada, a Portuguese Podengo*/terrier hybrid of some sort. I swear “Portuguese Podengo” is a real breed and not a style of dance.

What's the occasion for Coffee with a Canine?

Every morning after my wife takes Lada on a run, Lada and I sit down for coffee. Well, Lada sits down for breakfast crumbs. The coffee is just a bonus.

What’s brewing?

I’m from the San Francisco Bay Area, so I’m huffy about my coffee in a way that my East Coast friends find both unreasonable and endearing (I hope). I brew Philz coffee in my AeroPress, I take my coffee with oat milk, and I’m perfectly fine being a stereotype. My Philz blend of choice is Silken Splendor. Also, I aerate my coffee—which sounds complicated, but it really means I pour the coffee back and forth between two cups to introduce air. It creates smooth coffee and makes me feel like a mad scientist.

Any treats for you or Lada on this occasion?

Lada lived on the street for a year, so as far as she’s concerned, anything is a treat if you put your mind to it.

How were you and Lada united?

A few years ago, we learned there was going to be a massive adoption fair in Marin: goats, pigs, chickens, sheep, horses, cats, and dogs. After my wife vetoed goats and chickens, we made a list of pups we wanted to meet. They were mostly large, sturdy dogs we could take running and hiking. I was especially interested in a stately specimen named Charlie.

We got to the fair twenty minutes before it officially opened. While walking to meet the first dog on our list, my wife stumbled across a little scruff-ball in a crate. I drifted away to try and woo an aloof spaniel. When I returned, my wife was holding this a strange, fuzzy alien with a long body and curly tail. I knelt down, and the pup snuggled into my arms. Ten minutes before the fair opened, we left with Lada.

I hope Charlie found a good home with appropriately stately owners.

How did your dog get her name? Any aliases?

We adopted our pup while I was working on my first novel, which features a mischievous smuggler named Lada. After a failed naming brainstorm session, my wife suggested we use “Lada” as a placeholder until we figured out something less…self-serving.

Three years later, I’m starting to believe it’s no longer a placeholder.

Does Lada do more to help or hinder your writing?

I like to refer to Lada as my muse. She has a knack for picking up her squeakiest, slobberiest toy and bashing it into my knee when I’m in the middle of a great writing session. But something about breaking that flow ultimately helps my writing.

Yes, Lada did answer this question for me. No, she’s not taking any further questions at this time.

Has Lada inspired the creation of any fictional dogs?

Dogs are so wonderful; I’m not sure my writing could do them justice.

Cat, postman, squirrel…?

Oh yes. And bus. And skateboard. I’m actually not sure whether she adores skateboards or despises them. For Lada, these emotions manifest in the same way.

Ball, squeaky-toy, stick…?

All of the above. She fetches tennis balls inside the house, but she won’t fetch outdoors. At the dog park, she will try to fetch other dogs who are fetching.

Where is Lada's favorite outdoor destination?

Lada loves going anywhere with people or food, preferably both. She thinks eye contact is an invitation to be best friends, so she’s constantly interrupting our walks to abscond with a new human.

Who is Lada's best pet-pal?

Who isn’t?

What is Lada's best quality?

Lada is the friendliest, most open-minded creature I have ever met. In her eyes, every human, dog, cat, turtle, and squirrel is a potential friend. There’s no adventure too small for this pup.

If Lada could change one thing about Californians, what would it be?

Every person who gets on public transit with us has gathered specifically to pet Lada, right? No? Then that’s what she would change.

If Lada could answer only one question in English, what would you ask her?

Lada was a stray for about a year before I met her. I’m dying to know what kind of mischief she got up to during that lost year. It sounds strange, but people often say she’s the most charismatic dog they’ve ever met. I want to know where this charisma comes from and what kind of misadventures led her into my life.

Or I’d ask her why she’s so deathly afraid of plastic bags.

If Hollywood made a movie about your life in which Lada could speak, who should voice her?

I know we’re a few decades late, but definitely Lucille Ball.

What advice would Lada give if asked?

The vacuum cleaner is extremely dangerous and should only be approached by trained professionals.

Visit E.R. Ramzipoor's website.

--Marshal Zeringue

Kira Jane Buxton & Ewok

Who is in the photo at right?

The being with less of a beard in this photograph is me, mostly human writer Kira Jane Buxton. The four-legged, bearded chap is my canine partner-in-crime, Ewok. He is ten years young and a Brussels Griffon. We were, naturally, cosplaying as Sherlock Holmes and Watson in this picture.

What's the occasion for Coffee with a Canine?

We stopped by our local Viennese coffee shop. It’s beautiful and very fancy, and you are not allowed to order things by their American names. Instead of latte, you must say “wiener melange.” I find this wonderful, whimsical, and occasional hysterical.

What's brewing?

I am very pathetic and can’t handle coffee anymore, so I order a decaf with almond milk and vanilla, which means I am an utter embarrassment to the city of Seattle.

Any treats for you or Ewok on this occasion?

Cafe Vienna has a drive through window, which Ewok loves going through. He whines, sticks his head out of the car window and “performs” for a snack. We recently got a new car with tinted windows, and in his anxiety that the barista can’t see him through those dark windows he has developed this manic routine where he barks like the UPS man is breaking in and scratches manically at the new leather seats. This is very effective and he gets lifted to the front seat so that he can flirt with his barista. He often receives a Milk Bone that is the appropriate size for a Great Dane and we have to ration it into bits because he gets anxious if his treats are too large.

How were you and Ewok united?

We got Ewok from a breeder when we were living in LA. It was love at first sight (as a puppy he looked like a little bald gremlin with long wisps of dark hair, with a natural prancing gait, mohawk and full beard). We brought him home and he was partially raised by one of my three rescue cats.

How did your dog get his name? Any aliases?

There was really no other choice. We considered “Wicket” and also “Fizzgig” but Ewok just fit him so perfectly. Every time we go anywhere, people yell, “Dude! Your dog looks like an Ewok!” It’s very satisfying.

Does Ewok do more to help or hinder your writing?

He’s an enormous helper. Brussels Griffons are velcro dogs, so he and I do almost everything together. He’s very good about recognizing when I’ve been sitting typing too long and it’s time for us to go on some sort of adventure. I write full time from home, so I spend more time with Ewok than anyone else.

Have any actual dogs ever inspired dogs in your fiction?

In Hollow Kingdom, I write from the perspective of animals, many of whom have been inspired by real animals. One of the main characters is a bloodhound named Dennis, who I think in part was inspired by our family dog, Douglas. Douglas was a very special dog my mom rescued from drowning in a Singapore storm drain. I also once knew a Weimaraner named Raja who was hellbent on getting into trouble and I think young Dennis was a little inspired by him.

Cat, postman, squirrel…?

All of them. Squirrels are for chasing, even off-limits squirrels like my backyard buddy, Earl The Squirrel. Ewok has three cats at home, so by extension, this means that all the kitties in the world belong to him. He likes the mailman, but by thunder, if he hears the mail truck or worst still, a UPS truck, he goes bananas! I even introduced him to the UPS man to try and sort this prejudice out. Now he loves the UPS man, but the truck he drives—that truck is nefarious and cannot be trusted.

Ball, squeaky-toy, stick…?

Squeaky toys—Justin Beaver, Lionel Richie, Bun DMC, and Mr. Blue.

Where is Ewok's favorite outdoor destination?

He likes to walk around the neighborhood and tries to convince me to walk into the homes of people we know (and sometimes those we don’t). He also loves kids and tries to follow them home. I have been trying to explain the human concept of “trespassing’ to him for quite some time.

Who is Ewok's best pet-pal?

China, the puggle. Also, sometimes Kabuki, the Siamese cat who raised him, but only sometimes. A lot of times, he’s biting her on her butt without provocation.

What is Ewok's best quality?

He makes everyone laugh everywhere he goes. Grown men giggle as he walks by, children squeal in delight. Everyone loves Ewok and it is a pleasure to see him spread so much joy (we have to factor in an additional twenty minutes anytime we go anywhere so people can fuss over him.)

If Ewok could change one thing about Seattleites, what would it be?

Their annoying habit of leaving their doors locked.

If Ewok could answer only one question in English, what would you ask him?

I’d ask him what adventures he’d like to go on (and then while I had his full attention, quickly add “your farts are neither dangerous or a conspiracy, dude, I promise”). I was going to say “I’d tell him how much I adore him”, but he already knows that.

If Hollywood made a movie about your life in which Ewok could speak, who should voice him?

Benedict Cumberbatch. There is no other option.

What advice would Ewok give if asked?

Enjoy your life. Make sure to sniff some flowers, sit in the sun, have a tasty snack, love the people in your life fiercely, and laugh a lot (Ewok has a great sense of humor and he’s all about hedonism). And for god sakes, keep your beard long and luscious.

Visit Kira Jane Buxton's website.

--Marshal Zeringue