Evan Ramzipoor & Lada

Who is in the photo at right?

The human one is me, Evan Ramzipoor. I write novels like The Ventriloquists, but also essays, blogs about cybercrime, and short stories. The photogenic one with the angsty bangs is Lada, a Portuguese Podengo*/terrier hybrid of some sort. I swear “Portuguese Podengo” is a real breed and not a style of dance.

What's the occasion for Coffee with a Canine?

Every morning after my wife takes Lada on a run, Lada and I sit down for coffee. Well, Lada sits down for breakfast crumbs. The coffee is just a bonus.

What’s brewing?

I’m from the San Francisco Bay Area, so I’m huffy about my coffee in a way that my East Coast friends find both unreasonable and endearing (I hope). I brew Philz coffee in my AeroPress, I take my coffee with oat milk, and I’m perfectly fine being a stereotype. My Philz blend of choice is Silken Splendor. Also, I aerate my coffee—which sounds complicated, but it really means I pour the coffee back and forth between two cups to introduce air. It creates smooth coffee and makes me feel like a mad scientist.

Any treats for you or Lada on this occasion?

Lada lived on the street for a year, so as far as she’s concerned, anything is a treat if you put your mind to it.

How were you and Lada united?

A few years ago, we learned there was going to be a massive adoption fair in Marin: goats, pigs, chickens, sheep, horses, cats, and dogs. After my wife vetoed goats and chickens, we made a list of pups we wanted to meet. They were mostly large, sturdy dogs we could take running and hiking. I was especially interested in a stately specimen named Charlie.

We got to the fair twenty minutes before it officially opened. While walking to meet the first dog on our list, my wife stumbled across a little scruff-ball in a crate. I drifted away to try and woo an aloof spaniel. When I returned, my wife was holding this a strange, fuzzy alien with a long body and curly tail. I knelt down, and the pup snuggled into my arms. Ten minutes before the fair opened, we left with Lada.

I hope Charlie found a good home with appropriately stately owners.

How did your dog get her name? Any aliases?

We adopted our pup while I was working on my first novel, which features a mischievous smuggler named Lada. After a failed naming brainstorm session, my wife suggested we use “Lada” as a placeholder until we figured out something less…self-serving.

Three years later, I’m starting to believe it’s no longer a placeholder.

Does Lada do more to help or hinder your writing?

I like to refer to Lada as my muse. She has a knack for picking up her squeakiest, slobberiest toy and bashing it into my knee when I’m in the middle of a great writing session. But something about breaking that flow ultimately helps my writing.

Yes, Lada did answer this question for me. No, she’s not taking any further questions at this time.

Has Lada inspired the creation of any fictional dogs?

Dogs are so wonderful; I’m not sure my writing could do them justice.

Cat, postman, squirrel…?

Oh yes. And bus. And skateboard. I’m actually not sure whether she adores skateboards or despises them. For Lada, these emotions manifest in the same way.

Ball, squeaky-toy, stick…?

All of the above. She fetches tennis balls inside the house, but she won’t fetch outdoors. At the dog park, she will try to fetch other dogs who are fetching.

Where is Lada's favorite outdoor destination?

Lada loves going anywhere with people or food, preferably both. She thinks eye contact is an invitation to be best friends, so she’s constantly interrupting our walks to abscond with a new human.

Who is Lada's best pet-pal?

Who isn’t?

What is Lada's best quality?

Lada is the friendliest, most open-minded creature I have ever met. In her eyes, every human, dog, cat, turtle, and squirrel is a potential friend. There’s no adventure too small for this pup.

If Lada could change one thing about Californians, what would it be?

Every person who gets on public transit with us has gathered specifically to pet Lada, right? No? Then that’s what she would change.

If Lada could answer only one question in English, what would you ask her?

Lada was a stray for about a year before I met her. I’m dying to know what kind of mischief she got up to during that lost year. It sounds strange, but people often say she’s the most charismatic dog they’ve ever met. I want to know where this charisma comes from and what kind of misadventures led her into my life.

Or I’d ask her why she’s so deathly afraid of plastic bags.

If Hollywood made a movie about your life in which Lada could speak, who should voice her?

I know we’re a few decades late, but definitely Lucille Ball.

What advice would Lada give if asked?

The vacuum cleaner is extremely dangerous and should only be approached by trained professionals.

Visit E.R. Ramzipoor's website.

--Marshal Zeringue